mum – Pete's Blog

It was my Mum’s 90th birthday last week. When I asked her back in February what she wanted to do to celebrate, her answer was that she was not sure we should organise anything because she might well not be with us. She was not being grumpy or sarcastic, simply practical. Fortunately we paid no attention and with my siblings and Mum, we organised a wonderful party on Saturday.

It was just immediate family and a few friends, and was for less than three hours, but it was a really lovely occasion. I think everyone got to talk to everyone else, and in particular my Mum was made to feel very special.

It made me think what I would want when I am 90.

I wouldn’t need more “stuff”. That’s for certain. I spent the first 60 years of my life acquiring things I didn’t really need. By 90 they would be even less important.

I would like to be compos mentis. We lost my Dad to Alzheimer’s a few years ago and I hated the decline. I’d also like to be physically fit. Mum struggles with mobility but can still cope independently. I’d like that.

But if I can’t have those – indeed if I can’t even live that long it would be OK. I’d like to be able to look back on my life and say it was a life well lived. I’d like my children to be happy. I’d like Mandy to have remained the bedrock of my life. I’d like to have been a good person.

I think my Mum can say she has achieved all of these and more. Hopefully she has many more years to go, but it has been a good life and it I feel lucky to have been able to celebrate with her.

I’d also like a party.

My Mum is 86 and had a fall this week. She was walking up the street outside her house and seems to have just collapsed. Fortunately an off-duty paramedic saw what happened and called an ambulance, so when my Mum regained consciousness she was in hospital. The good news is that she is now off the acute ward and on a cardiac ward. The bad news is that they haven’t yet worked out what is wrong.

The odd thing is that I am not feeling too upset about what happened. She is a little older now and a little more fragile. Unlike my Dad, her brain is still sharp and she is reasonably fit, but we should expect issues. However, what was both frustrating and upsetting was my inability to contact her. Her mobile phone had almost no reception and she doesn’t do texts, there was no way of calling her in hospital, the ward wifi would not allow facetime, and even the ward phone number for enquiries was permanently engaged. She had called my brother when she could and he was with her, so I could talk to him, but he was only allowed to see her for an hour a day.

The irony is that I have spoken on this blog before about one of the benefits of retirement being that I am no longer “always on”. I sometimes take days to reply to emails or messages, so I should understand that hospitals are busy and their main job is not to allow communication with distant relatives. But it did bring to life for me how much I rely on electronic communication. And quite how far Scotland is from my parents in Salisbury.

I was doing some more family tree research, and found a newspaper article about the tragic death of my Mum’s uncle Gerald, who died while on a school swimming outing aged 17. His parents were notified by telegram. There was no WhatsApp a hundred years ago. Perhaps we are all too dependant on contact these days.

But I was worried about my Mum.

Good news. She is now on a side ward with a phone that works. I have let her know about Gerald. 😊

Tag: mum

What will I want when I am 90?

What should you do when you can’t contact your Mum?