Regrets – I’ve had a few

I am 60 next year. It’s a good age to start reflecting on what I have achieved in my life, and what I want to do with the years in front of me. My standard answer when asked about regrets is that I regret nothing because I have had a great life so far, and if things had been different, I would not have had this life. That is true. Overall I do not regret the choices I have made because I like how it has ended up. I am so lucky to have loved my family, loved my work and now loving my retirement. Travelling the canals of Britain in our narrowboat gives me so many prefect moments.

But to say I have no regrets is disingenuous. There are things in my life that I regret.

I regret not going to Cambridge University. My parents both went and I believe I was academically good enough. I always dreamed about living in an ancient college and taking the advantages that Oxbridge gives you. But if I had gone, I would have missed out on Imperial, experiencing London life, meeting my wife.

I regret not having a gap year. I think if I had done something different before University, I would have been less naive and would have had more world experience as an individual. But I do like the aspect of my character that can’t wait for the next adventure. I rushed into Uni, rushed into work, rushed into marriage, rushed into children. And now I can enjoy early retirement.

I regret leaving Ernst & Young to join Zefer. I was doing well as a Management Consultant, and was dazzled by the bright lights of the late 1990s dotcom boom. The new company failed and I became depressed. But I learnt from the experience, and without it I would not have got the Head of IT role with the Halifax, that I loved and took me to the next stage of my career.

I regret selling our house in Todmorden. Monkroyd is a large Victorian mill owner’s house, set on a Yorkshire hill side. It was the kind of house I dreamt of when I was a kid. Large cellars, hidden rooms in the loft. But if we had not moved, I would not have experienced how wonderful Scotland is, which has been such a great way to spend the last few years.

I regret not getting a CIO role in the Netherlands. We lived in Holland for four years when the kids were little, and after they left home I had the opportunity to return. I flew over for interviews and it just felt right to be back. When they gave the job to someone else I was so disappointed. But if I had been successful I would never have had the chance to spend the last years of my working life with RBS/NatWest, which were probably the most fulfilling roles I ever did.

No doubt there will be things in the next 30 years that I will regret. And rather than thinking that regrets are not useful and to always look forwards, maybe a better choice for me is to recognise those regrets, feel the pain, and then remind myself again how very lucky I am.